LAY OFF THE WEED!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY: SELF-RIGHTEOUS, POMPOUS, HARD MUSIC CRITIC

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:   I was miles away, playing some serious late night blues on Friday night when I glanced up at the TV and saw some dirty, bearded, old hippie howling into a microphone on Jay Leno.  I hit the mute button out of curiosity and realized I was seeing Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes with his latest project called Chris Robinson Brotherhood.  Good Christ on his Holy Throne of Glory!  What happened to you brother?  

BD OZZY:  Is that the guy always picking up cigarette butts behind the liquor store?

"BLUE" JIMMY:  No man, The Black Crowes; the band that played loud, Classic Hard Rock and partied while the rest of the world were clutching their Nirvana albums and cutting themselves --  That's their singer.

BD OZZY: No way, guey!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Yes, way, guey,  I couldn't believe it either.  T'was a time when this man could sing like Rod Stewart singing Paul Rodgers at Steve Marriot's birthday party.  There he is, looking like a guy tossed out of a Grateful Dead show for being too stoned, singing mild jam rock boogie and pretending to play guitar.  Compare this to the Black Crowes "Sting Me" performance (on youtube) from '92 on Jay Leno.

BD OZZY:  &%*@!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Let this be a lesson to you, young boys, keep to the beer&whiskey and lay off the weed, or you'll wake up one morning and find yourself selling incense and veggie burritos at a Phish parking lot.


"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!


BD OZZY:  Wow! Wow!

FENDER STRATOCASTER: THE DEVIL'S AXE

"BLUE" JIMMY: Fender Bender

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Neurotic Chihuahua

When Leo Fender and his cohorts invented the Fender Stratocaster guitar, they probably never envisioned Jimi Hendrix making outer space noises with it or Ritchie Blackmore launching it like a Zulu spear across the stage or Yngwie Malmsteen ripping through scales intended for virtuoso concert violinists or Stevie Ray Vaughan wielding it like a sawed-off Texas shotgun.

BD OZZY:  But when they invented that badass plank of wood they threw in some extra mojo to insure that it would be wrecking speakers and ears well beyond the 1950's.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  And it looks great -- shaped like a big-leg nude woman!

BD OZZY:  Que Rico!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unlike other guitars, when you strap on the Strat, it forces you to play hard and funky and nasty -- like you got no choice.

BD OZZY:  I chewed on one once.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  And it still has teeth marks, mutt.  But there ain't no way I could write a whole history of the Strat in this small space.  If you want that, check out "The Stratocaster Chronicles" by Tom Wheeler with forward by Eric Clapton.  It's 280 pages long and has color photos of every kind of Strat plus every player in history who ever busted a high E on a Strat.  

BD OZZY:  Leo Fender was smart but the real genius was the guy who invented replacement guitar strings -- there's where all the money is!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  What I wanna do here is just share some of my favorite Strat moments on recordings.  This is just a sampling, man:

• "The Wedge" and "Miserlou" by Dick Dale
• "Jam on a Monday Morning " by Buddy Guy
• "All My Love" by Otis Rush
• "Space Guitar" by Johnny "Guitar" Watson
• "Pusherman" by Curtis Mayfield
• "Band of Gypsies" album by Jimi Hendrix
• "From the Cradle" album by Eric Clapton
• "Irish Tour" album by Rory Gallagher
• "Bridge of Sighs" album by Robin Trower
• "Highway Star" (Made in Japan version) by Ritchie Blackmore/Deep Purple
• "The Sails of Charon" by Uli Roth/Scorpions
• "Far Beyond the Sun" by Yngwie Malmsteen
• "See the Light" album by Jeff Healey
• "What's the Word?" album by Jimmy Vaughan/Fabulous Thunderbirds
• "Porchlight" by Robert Cray
• "Fear of the Dark" by Iron Maiden

• "Texas Flood" album and "Little Wing" by Stevie Ray Vaughan

Some of my favorite onstage Strat tricks include: hitting a pick harmonic and pressing behind the nut; rolling the knobs for a wah pedal sound (stolen from Rory Gallagher); overdriving the neck pickup to make it sound like a vintage Les Paul (stolen from Clapton); picking behind the nut and shaking the whammy bar (stolen from Guitar Shorty); picking two strings in unison; bending the high E string all the way to the low E string (stolen from Buddy Guy); shimmering an entire chord with the whammy bar (stolen from Dick Dale); switching from the neck pickup to the bridge pickup in the middle of a solo (stolen from Ritchie Blackmore); bending the neck for divebomb effects (stolen from Jake E Lee); hitting a note and dragging the toggle switch back and forth to create echo; pounding the Strat's body and manipulating the feedback with the whammy bar (stolen from Hendrix).  Well, I could go on for days about the Fender Stratocaster but this is a blog not a book.  Have an unsafe and insane Fourth of July weekend and check out the photo of me torching myself with fireworks!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow! Wow!