Tuesday, May 21, 2013

R.I.P. ANGEL OF DEATH

"BLUE" JIMMY:  HEADBANGER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I had to say few words about the passing earlier this month of Jeff Hanneman of the band Slayer, or as hardcore fans say, Slayyyyyyyyyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

BD OZZY:  Mas Chingon!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  And it's kind of silly to say that Jeff passed given the nature of his career in a thrash metal band that sang about the most extreme, vile subjects you could imagine.  I should say, He dropped dead, hit the ground and his beer soaked body was split open by maggots as he descended into the flames.  

BD OZZY:  There Jeff.
"BLUE" JIMMY:  His death hits closer to home than I like to think about.  When Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon, Bon Scott, John Bonham and SRV died they were larger-than-life people who lived in faraway places.  Jeff and his Slaymates lived down the boulevard from me here in South East L.A.  Although I never actually met Jeff,  I saw him and Slayer since the earliest days when they were playing backyard keg parties and VFW halls here in the neighborhood.  Their beer drinking was the stuff of legends.  My friend had a homemade video of Jeff at Tom Araya's parent's house shotgunning beers and then showing the band going to the store to get more suds.  

BD OZZY:  Tell them about the show!  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Then there was that show at The Hollywood Palace in the late 80's where Satan himself showed up and rabid Slayer fans got a little too perky and ripped the place to shreds and the LAPD had to call the riot squad to clear the block.

BD OZZY:  Someone stepped on my tail and puked on the back of my head.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You were lucky!  I remember walking out of the place with my mouth bleeding from the mosh pit, beer bottles flying everywhere and the LAPD helicopters flying overhead.  My friends left me and I had to take refuge in the building across the street where I had a friend who worked at a late night phone sex place.  The next day I had bruises in the shape of hand prints all over my body.

BD OZZY:  I slept under a bus bench.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Slayer always seemed to bring out the dark side of people but for all their occult trappings and imagery, you have to remember that they weren't a group of Satanic witches sacrificing babies on a foggy moor in Scotland.  They were L.A. DUDES who liked to pound beers, listen to metal and punk in their parent's garage and crank up the amps to meltdown level whereupon, they invented a type of heavy metal that people in the early days, thought had gone way too far.

BD OZZY:  When the "SHOW NO MERCY" album first came out, it scared the s**t out of me.  I thought the tape player had got stuck in fast forward and I'm pretty sure I heard The Devil calling my name.  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  He was probably talking to the other Ozzy.

BD OZZY:  How did Jeff die?  They say it was a spider bite.

"BLUE" JIMMY:   I heard a voodoo priest put a spell on him because other guitar players thought he was playing too fast and too hard and they could never live up to that standard.

BD OZZY:  !!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Whatever happened to Jeff, he went way too soon and Metal will be a little less heavy without him.  Drink a beer in his honor and thank him for destroying your eardrums!

BD OZZY:  And your soul!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!